Not Here
1.21.2020
I have been noticeably absent lately. My dad was admitted to the hospital Friday. Friday evening, he had emergency surgery. He's still in the hospital, with no end in sight. I'm not going into the details right now...
Anyway, I went visit 4 days in a row. 4 days in a hospital of sick/needy people. 4 days in a room with a very sick man that I love and adore. To say I've been drained of energy is an understatement. I know I'm not ready to heal others. I'm still learning and I know I didn't do grounding and meditation. But I had to try.
It's so weird. My stomach wasn't right the 4 days. I was gassy and bloated and not that hungry. And I'd come home and meditate and BOOM, I'd be waking up from a nap. I'd like to believe that my attempts at helping worked. He's still got a long road ahead, but he's drinking juice now, which is better than 4 days with ice chips.
I couldn't go today. I knew I needed a day of rest. And that's basically all I've done today. I did very little to be productive--only worked on a couple of crafts and read a few pages from new books. Today was about healing me. I'm going to meditate, but not until it's time for bed.
I really want to see him tomorrow, but it all depends on how I feel when I wake up. He, of course, fusses me for going so much. I'm still healing myself, afterall, from surgery one month ago. But Mom's healing from HER surgery, too (see a pattern?). And she needs breaks and has appointments all the time.
Perhaps I'll skip tomorrow and go Thursday. We're going to the camp in Mississippi Friday so I can't go then.
It's all so much. I'm still trying to keep with the daily rituals I have going so I don't lose sight of my path. Other than that, I spend a lot of time staring into space, wishing I could help.
I have been noticeably absent lately. My dad was admitted to the hospital Friday. Friday evening, he had emergency surgery. He's still in the hospital, with no end in sight. I'm not going into the details right now...
Anyway, I went visit 4 days in a row. 4 days in a hospital of sick/needy people. 4 days in a room with a very sick man that I love and adore. To say I've been drained of energy is an understatement. I know I'm not ready to heal others. I'm still learning and I know I didn't do grounding and meditation. But I had to try.
It's so weird. My stomach wasn't right the 4 days. I was gassy and bloated and not that hungry. And I'd come home and meditate and BOOM, I'd be waking up from a nap. I'd like to believe that my attempts at helping worked. He's still got a long road ahead, but he's drinking juice now, which is better than 4 days with ice chips.
I couldn't go today. I knew I needed a day of rest. And that's basically all I've done today. I did very little to be productive--only worked on a couple of crafts and read a few pages from new books. Today was about healing me. I'm going to meditate, but not until it's time for bed.
I really want to see him tomorrow, but it all depends on how I feel when I wake up. He, of course, fusses me for going so much. I'm still healing myself, afterall, from surgery one month ago. But Mom's healing from HER surgery, too (see a pattern?). And she needs breaks and has appointments all the time.
Perhaps I'll skip tomorrow and go Thursday. We're going to the camp in Mississippi Friday so I can't go then.
It's all so much. I'm still trying to keep with the daily rituals I have going so I don't lose sight of my path. Other than that, I spend a lot of time staring into space, wishing I could help.
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